I was so numb ,a bit like when ones foot has gone to sleep. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. The aftermath of what I had just survived was deep , raw.
What shone through was beautiful people that popped up. I went into a shop one day started to cry for my little dog, who had been my shadow, my loyal shadow for 14.5 years. I was sobbing. And 2 women came up and asked if I was ok. I told them the I was a DV survivor. One of these women was about 17 years old, she asked if needed money , I said no. I thanked her . What hit me about her was her compassion, at such a young age. The other woman said to me “ Honey I am a survivor too. You will get through this.” She hugged me.
Another beautiful person came along the caretaker of the caravan park where I was staying. We started to talk and he shared his life with me. New Year’s Eve we talked over a couple of drinks. Talked about music and all sorts of topics.
After the caravan park, I ended up in a backpackers hostel. This place at first was a little haven. A place I managed to catch my breath and see other people who were in a similar situation. Homeless. Through no real fault of their own. Together we were there for each other. We all taught each other something.
One beautiful soul said to me when the tears come just let them fall, they will cleanse you. They did come. I cried on my bed for what seemed forever. Then in the shower crumbled on the floor in a fetal position. I just let the water flow over me. Letting the pain out through my tears.
See it wasn’t just that I was homeless. It was the shame. Shame of letting someone treat me like they did.
I have always been someone who sees the good in people, what I had just lived through was the opposite. Why? Why do people treat others so? One aspect that hit me was self hatred, on such a deep level that it’s toxic and abusive.
But the people around me didn’t care, they were just there for me. As I was.
Finding beauty all around me. Ten minute walk to the ocean. Watching the sun rise. Swimming in the star lit night. Watching the pelicans guide through the air and land in the water. Some days it was easy, other days a huge struggle. But I would keep getting up and trying again.