Seriously couldn’t be ……

I never thought I would be in this position or state of mind but what do you know here the fuck I am.

I can’t do it anymore

I just can’t fucking do it….

I’m so tired of picking up and moving forward

I started a job last week back in disability and you know what … I can’t fucking do it

I don’t want to help people anymore

I need to help me

I can’t

I just can’t fucking do it

I need to stop…. really fuckin stop and heal from alllllllllllllll the shit

All of it

I have to admit , acknowledge that the last 3 relationships I have been in have been truly abusive

And I need to work through the trauma

And I can’t do that if I’m emptying myself “helping” others

I’m empty

Completely fuckin empty

I can’t do it the way I have always done it ,just get the fuck back up and move on.

I have been through too much.

So now I have to deal with Centrelink

Because I’m on Newstart I am supposed to look for 21 jobs. Month. Nah I can’t handle the pressure of it ,so off to the doctors.

Because if I continue on this path on going to end up having a nervous breakdown

I already have post traumatic stress, anxiety, panic attacks. And looking for a job is going to drive me over the edge. But the government doesn’t give a rats fucking arse about that they just insist on me have a job.

I have a vision of being a voice for the lgbtqi community. I want to talk about domestic violence in the community. I want to show what it does to the depths of your soul if you don’t love yourself enough to see the red flags.

Love yourself enough to heed the red flags

Love yourself enough to say what you need in a relationship AND if they don’t give it to you….. fuck them right off.

Because you are worthy of love

I am worthy of love . Of being held when I cry. Of having a best friend who I can share the depths of me with, safely.

I deserve to be safe emotionally

Mentally

Physically

Spiritually