Realisation

I feel like I’m not doing enough.

But I am . I am working through a lot of things at the moment.

I have started a healthy relationships course. Which focuses on what I have been through and what is healthy in a relationship. I have panic attacks and acute anxiety . I started swimming 3 weeks ago, this is kinda funny because it’s just coming into winter. But I feel so wonderful after a swim. Seeing 2 counsellors.

I got home after my course and I had a subpoena waiting for me. I’m telling you this because I drove yesterday afternoon and this morning to make to court. Huge waves of anxiety and panic attacks. Only to be face to face with my ex. There are a couple of reasons why I put myself through this.

My sense of justice and respect for the policemen that have worked hard to get justice for me. Right now I have a stress headache from hell, I’m exhausted but also proud of my self for showing up. The legal system isn’t just. It leans in favour of the perpetrator. BUT! I showed up. I drove for 6-7 hours to be in court this morning, knowing my dad would be worried all day. Driving that far also showed my ex I wasn’t going to let them get away with assaulting me either. Whatever way the assault charge goes. I SHOWED UP. For myself and to make them accountable in some way for their behaviour.

Pat on the back for me.

Good job I say!

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