Indeed My journey has been a colourful one. Emotional, full of discovery of myself and others. Full of meeting people who have taught me about the depths of human pain and agony. People who have helped me see my own resilience and hope for a better world.
Going through domestic violence has lit a fire in me that I never saw before. A fire , that I hope shines a light on a huge issue in the lgbtqi community. This is conversation that needs to start.
If you are going through abuse verbal, mental or physical abuse. I won’t say just leave, because it’s more complicated than that and indeed it may not be safe for you to do so. The person you are with may follow you everywhere you go even watch you go to the bathroom and control everything you do.
The cycle of abuse is hard to break from, and can continue after you have physically left the relationship. My observation of the community is that it is just not dealt with. Either by not reporting it to the police and having a avo/restraining order put in place or dealing with the trauma afterwards.
In order to have or hope to have a healthy relationship with myself and others including an intimate partner, I have recognised that I need to get help.
I have been proactive in this regard. By doing a positive relationships course, which looks at domestic violence and the cycle of abuse. The course also had amazing facilitators who were gentle and supportive. The course has been eye opening for me . I have looked not just what I have been through but my own behaviour.
I have also been going to 2 different counseling appointments with 2 different counsellors.
I want use this whole experience as a vehicle to be a better version of me. I have recognised that my extremely low self confidence attracted this in to my life. I have recognised (not without huge emotional pain) that I am a child of domestic violence. But just because that is what I have been through doesn’t mean that is my future, I am determined for this not to be the case.
I need to believe deep within Myself that I am so worthy of loving me, on every level. To see my loving , beautiful self. To see and acknowledge in me, what I see and acknowledge in others. This is no easy task.
It is a daily task of looking after myself, of fighting for me, for asking for help when I need it. Asking for help is not something I do easily. But I have had to learn it on some levels, especially when dealing with government departments.
Yes I have to