I haven’t done a blog post for a while the reason being , my ex , who I have an advo out on happened to find it and proceed to comment 3 times on my last post. So I thought I would give it up.
But, you know what, fuck that!
I need to keep this up. Being a voice.
Domestic violence is rife throughout the lgbtqi community. And I am going to keep telling my story. It’s important!
I look back on my life and realise that I have never thought I was worthy of being treated like a queen.
In therapy last week, we talked about Mum reading my diary as a teenager. The counsellor said to me that this act is a total betrayal. I sat there sitting on my hands feeling 15 again.
I hate you I said to my mother. I said this in therapy. But I don’t hate Mum , I love her very much. My 15 year old inner child said that. Over the next week I sat with how I felt….. and I realised that was the start of my emotional eating. I wasn’t safe.
I knew that I would have to go back into my childhood to heal from what got me to where I am and what I have been through.
The pain and anger are there. Not as intense as they were. My walls are high and on alert.
But I know that I am a beautiful woman with a heart of gold. I love helping others.
But don’t fuck with me. At 50 I’m done with being fucked over, treated like a slave or doormat.
I deserve better , a lot better.
Firstly I have to give myself the love and devotion I have given to people ,who, quite frankly didn’t deserve to kiss my feet.
