Learning about myself has been and continues to be such a rich experience. I started a coffee meet up group. I talked just about all day. I can talk the leg off an iron pot lol. I talkEd to one person who tried to completely invalidate me as a woman. This triggered my anxiety for a couple of days. Why? I see myself as a very accepting person. You are who you are. You be nice to me and respect me and we will get along just fine. I believe this person was very much like my ex. They thought after 2 hours of talking they knew everything about me. Think again sunshine.
This encounter is an opportunity for me to put boundaries in place. It’s about kylie standing strong in who she is. It’s an important lesson for me to learn. Walk beside me. Don’t be the fucking tour guide of my life. You live your life and I will live mine. We can support each other.
So how do I deal with a strong personality. At this point I go into hiding. Self protection mode. But I want figure myself out, it’s not about that other person, it is about me and how I can stand strong around bulldozer personalities , who feel they have the right to just tell me how to live my life. To be honest, I’m over it. We all have certain lessons our souls have to learn. Yours are different to mine. AND THATS OK.
My anxiety is telling me something. I went swimming. Oh how I love swimming in the ocean, such power in those rolling waves. I feel washed clean every single time I do it. I’m doing a morning blessing on myself. I put both hands over my heart and say “may I know true self compassion, may I know I how beautiful I am. May I know my true worth.” I then gather up all the love I have for my children, the ocean and puppies (who doesn’t love puppies,so cute!) and pour that love into my heart. Wrap myself in love. And you know what happens? It eases the pain and anxiety. This is actually hard work. But I deserve to give that love to myself. I DESERVE TO GIVE THAT LOVE TO MYSELF.
I know in my next relationship. Which is a long way off. (The more time I spend loving myself the I love being on my own. I really love my own company.) I need to be with a phlegmatic personality.
So that’s been one thing I learnt this week. There‘s been about 16 thousand more. Lol. But I think it’s an important one. I feel like I’m unraveling a ball of knotted wool. The more I do unravel the more beautiful, I realise , I am.
And remember I love you