Reclaiming myself

A letter to my ex

I went to reclaim the night last. I nearly went home, but I didn’t. I knew I needed to take back my own power. As we starting walking all the people started shouting, this triggered me. I couldn’t talk and I looked at the ground, as the memories all came back.

The tears ran down my face. At the end of the walk and someone was on the stage talking I didn’t hear thing, the pain and grief of all I had been through was coming out. Racking sobs. They had counsellors from Relationships Australia there, I was surprised one of them noticed me. She sat next to me, grief was all she said at this point. Letting it out. Tears rolling down my face. The physical sign of the emotional.

The belittling and shouting for 10 hours a day for months on end. I never thought it would end. The times you gaslit me. The times you woke me up at 3.00am. Your paranoia . Keep the keys to my car on your body so I couldn’t leave. Your fat, greedy , lazy and useless you would say.

Well, motherfucker, I have some news for you. I out shine you on every level. I’m not lazy, or greedy and I’m far from useless.

There’s a part of me that hope you rot in hell. But really I just think you are a sad excuse for a human.

Here’s the thing. You had no right to do those things. And no one will ever so that to me again. Family friend or lover. EVER.

I’m going to be kind to me

I love me

I choose me

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