I was told 7 months ago that I need to be in the water. I need to swim. Ok no worries I thought I love being in the water. So I started as you all know I did a blog post on it. But then I stopped because it was winter and too cold. So after winter was done and dusted I started.
I started at the local salt water pool. It was boring for me, I do admire the people that can do laps. All of them , from my observation are slim and fit. For me I needed more of a challenge. So I went to the rock pool next to the pool. Ahhh I loved it. One day I thought, “ya know I might go to the beach” . Now, I was born in Wollongong and the beach was only 10 minutes drive from where I grew up. I hated the sand getting in places sand doesn’t belong and the salt water getting in my eyes and the waves coming at a rate I couldn’t deal with.
But this time, we’ll , this time is so different. I love the sand so soft on my feet the moment I step on to it. Walk to the spot where I put my backpack. Ya know right between the red and yellow flags. My maternal grandfather was a lifesaver and avid body surfer, from what I have been told. So I invited him to come with me, even though he passed away a long time before I was born. I ask him to keep me safe in the water because the surf can be a dangerous place. I think he enjoys it. I have fallen in love with the surf. As I approach the surf I greet it saying “hello aren’t you beautiful!”
At the beginning I would meditate on things I wanted to deal with. Ground myself by lying on the sand. Lay there with the rhythm of the waves . Grounding and surrendering myself , the hurt and the pain. Something happened that I wasn’t on any level expecting. People would greet me say hello. I started to come out of my shell of self protection. Now I’m the one saying hello. Greeting women in the change rooms. Having a chat with them and wishing them a great day. In the change room I have thanked women for talking to me.” Thank you for the chat , being a survivor of domestic violence it has helped me see the sun shine , I have felt so safe.”
I have had people call me brave for going in the surf, days like today where people have said it was rough, I didn’t think so. But it was for them. Days like today where there was lots of seaweed. I play and frolick like a dolphin in the waves. Soaking it all up.
I look back on the last 6 weeks and see that , every single day I have turned up for myself. In my own way I have said no matter what is going on swimming everyday is a priority. In doing so I have been able to make decisions with confidence. Knowing that I can. That I can . That I can. Being kind along the journey is so vitality important to me. I read a meme social media.
It goes something like this. Even though life is cruel sometimes don’t let it make you hard and mean. I take this to heart. Because in a world where capitalism, power, control and red tape rule , it’s easy to become hard and bitter. I have had to work on bitterness myself. But the more beauty I see in others , the more beauty comes to me.
One other morning routine I’m doing which I believe to be a result of shown up for myself every day, by swimming is listen to affirmations I have been doing this solidly for 2 weeks now and the result are amazing. Beautiful people are turning up in my life. I see things in people that I haven’t before.
I can honestly say that what has happened to me in the last year is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Things that had me scared before no longer scare me. Fear is a liar. And a big one. I’m not talking about that fear that makes you stop when your life is in danger. I’m talking about that fear that literally stops you from living life. I have lived liked that for a lot of my life and I refuse to do it anymore.
So stand up and be proud of of yourself. You carry a lot on your shoulders and that’s ok. I think you are amazing and a legend for making it thus far. Speak kindly to other and wish them well on their day it ,changes your life and the lives of others on person at a time.
Be kind my darlings
And remember I love you